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Additional Minnesota Viking Commentary

Fence Envy
I hated the sports beat.  I was a die-hard fan, lost within my passion and here's this guy slamming my team.  I thought to myself, why is he writing about this franchise as he's obviously a Cowboy fan, or something just as bad like one of those revolting putrid Cheese Heads.  First it was one writer, then another, & another & another.  I was overwhelmed by them.  I loathed them.  Now I'm on the other side, envious of the day when we had sports writers that did a little bit more than to blow smoke up this franchise's arse ... so that they could collect a pay check ... without ruffling any feathers.  I thought it couldn't be any worse but that's when political correctness came to town like a bunch of dirty little hookers.  They are nothing more than "Literary Whores"! 

So where do I find myself today.  Take a look at this bad little boy as I feel like I'm screaming from the dark.  All I can do is carry this gigantic club, smashing into one hornets nest after another.  While all you politically correct idiots tip toe around each hornets nest ... as if it wasn't there.  All I can do is try to contain myself ... and my rage ... forced to see it all and say, "Hey, that looks like another hornets nest", after just bashing into three other nests.  Now I long for the day when there were actual sports writers that actually had a set to tell it like it is, that we're sick of waiting for tomorrow, while they're being peed upon, whilst being given nothing more that a simple stormy forecast.  Hey, I can smell that too.  

Well Ponder now sits at 17 starts and you've got absolutely nothing ... nadda ... a big fat zero!  Versus the Redskins, a pick six, another interception, and a fumble deep in our end that also results in a touchdown.  Versus the hapless Cardinals, 8 completions on 17 attempts for 58 yards, with 2 interceptions & a Percy Harvin Touchdown.  I'd like to say that this was Ponder's worst performance but he did put up an 8.3 rating  going 4 for 10 for 28 yards and of course a pick 6.  There are many more painful examples, but we Vikings are set on automatic pilot to mentally block-out painful memories ... into a permanent state of amnesia.  In fact, what you have in Ponder is less than zero because when the "Patzer Ponder" plays, he subtracts from the team, time & again, which means that someone else has got to pay.  Going into a short week, our defense was just run ragged.  Ragged for a home contest on Thursday versus the Bucs.  Gulp!  Remember when we had a broken offense ... it's still broken because its number 1 broken piece is still holding onto those reins ... unquestioned!

How can you possibly accept this?  Have you no dignity?  Have you no respect for yourself?  You sit on your hands and allow the fans to boo & grumble for you.  You politically correct pin heads make me physically ill.  

You've got a winner here ...  Can't you see that?  Maybe for the first time in Viking history (or since 1975) you have a complete team and you've got a pig-dog, a Swine Hund running this franchise's most important position.  All the while Ziggy's immersed in his land deals.  Mark, the silent puppet master is tuggin' at Spielman's stings where Leslie Frazier is blindly following The Puppet Masters master plan.  For the uninitiated "The Plan" is to transform Christian Ponder into a franchise quarterback.  Problem is that a bag full of crap is still only a bag of fresh fragile uncomposted manure.  Still this franchise continues to pump its resources ... hands over fist ... pumping its life's blood into what is nothing more than a losing proposition.  The more this Ponder experiment fails the greater this organization enthusiasm to throw its resources into the burning pits of hell.  Ponder, regardless of the putrid result has risen to the level of, "ABSOLUTE UNTOUCHABLE",  and you ,and you, shall bend your knee as kiss his arse ... telling all your friends, all your compatriots, and loved ones that you love it.  In short ... Ponder stinks to high-heaven and everyone, and I mean everyone knows it.  The result is that every player must be made to carry the burden, whatever it might be, and in whatever form, so that this franchise can make excuse after excuse for this pretender.  There you sit, once again, curtly upon your hands ... not to utter a word.  COWARDS!

Is the attention span of this sports beat measured in nano-seconds?  How is it that you can forget what Joe Webb did versus the playoff bound Philadelphia Eagles in their ball park ... something that Culpepper never did in his entire career.  How can you forget the Space Peanut in Detroit, part of seven (7) consecutive unstoppable Joe Webb drives.  How can you forget shredding the Redskins, with a Joe Webb perfect quarterback rating, using that so-called broken offense, less the seriously injured Adrian Peterson that was lost for the season.  Joe Webb's accomplishments were so astounding that Lovie Smith of the Chicago Bears remarked that he was quite impressed with this kid.  In other words, he was expecting an immediate transition within this organization ... it never came.  How about Troy Aikman commenting on Joe Webb's stride on his touch down run, on the replay, "Did that guy just cover 5 yards for every stride.  The league is ravenous for Webb and this organization tells you to just look away as if Joe Webb is somehow defective.  All I can see is what has been fashioned by the gods.    

So what do we Vikings fans get.  Do we get the very best?  No!  We are told that Ponder is our starting quarterback.  There is no discussion.  There is no section of fans screaming their hearts out in apoplectic anger.  There's almost a deafening silence as we stash this franchises greatest gift, fashioned by the gods, in the mold of Perseus, to be stashed away deep within our roster ... collecting dust ... while our hearts ache for the champion that lies at our feet.  If Joe Webb ever hits the field again, how could this franchise ever explain how they sat him for so long?.  He's shown that he's had the stuff from the first moment when he reported with the rookies as a wide receiver. 

So you're feeling good about the Vikings 5 & 2 record.  If you're a seasoned Viking then you know that that record is nothing more than a Paper Lion.   No need to make changes ... right?  Maybe you haven't noticed but we play in the Black & Blue Division.   The 2nd half of the season represents the teeth of this division.  The Bears & Packers feast on quarterback fumbles and errant passes where these defenses can quickly turn them into pick sixes.  My prediction is that if you continue with Ponder you will lose all four games and will not make the playoffs.  If you play Webb however, and you actually utilize Toby Gerhart in a meaningful way on first down carries to soften defenses by guarding AD's health, you will not only sweep both the Bears and Packers, Joe Webb will be hoisting this years Lombardi Trophy as the Super Bowl MVP.  How can any Viking take one more moment of this insanity?  

So if you're a good little fan ... sit there quietly upon your hands ... and be told lie after lie and excuse after excuse for the flailing Christian Ponder ... The Patzer.  If you're on this franchises sports beat ... sit there quietly upon your hands.  Whatever you do ... Don't rock the boat.  Accept every piece of dribble that you are told, and make up excuses for Ponder so that you can collect your meaningless paycheck.  It's not like you've sold your soul to a meaningless nobody that will be hitting the bricks sooner or later anyway.   

Keep one thought, deeply within your tiny little brains ... front & center.  Your time to hoist that Lombardi is now but it's going to take every beating heart ... every voice ... every impassioned Viking to raise their fist to this organization and demand an answer to the question: Who was it that said, "No black man shall ever quarterback this (my) team?  

Culpepper, this organizations Achillies, left a bitter taste within the mouths of this franchise but there is no comparison to Webb.  His soul belongs to no man.  Webb's soul is not for sale and he is this franchise's true champion.  The only comparison that might be attributed to Webb is Favre's youthful demeanor, which is deeply embedded within Webb ... maybe his greatest asset.  It's time to give Webb his due.  Hear my impassioned plea ... before the heavy hand is dealt upon this franchise once again.  The nation is broiling within the cauldron of this Super Volcano.

Erin Henderson ... after watching your every move for the last two games one thing is clear ...your a lost puppy out there.  It is clear that you have all the athletic skills & physical traits to make the play.  Although your lethal body is prepared to lay its lumber, to make the play, your disconnected substrates no longer can function to properly apply it in time.  You are just several weeks away from gaining almost complete restoration ... as this organizations internal poster child ... however, at present, you may be completely incapable to act upon it on your own.  My heart truly anguishes as without intervention you may become part of a bleak NFL statistic.  Tell me, what is more important ... money or your health.  Somehow something has seen fit to protect you ... for that I am thankful.  All it takes is for just one person to see the light.   This is within your grasp.  

The Viking Ghost Writer
Date: October 23, 2012