Mr. Bridgewater, let me tell you just how seemingly impossible it will be for you to start on opening day. Recently Mr. Matt Cassel was lumped-in with the greatest back up quarterback in the NFL. Allow me to be perfectly candid. Matt Cassel is no back up in this league ... in fact ... in the not so distant future I expect you both to go head to head ... and if you don't watch your six, he'll smoke your diminutive donkey good on that day. Matt has a very bright future and your going to make that bright future a reality.
Sure, Matt's had it real bad where he chucked it up like a stuck pig in a vomitorium but let's not forget he's also made it to the Pro-Bowl when he's had the ponies in his paddock. They don't just hand out Pro Bowl invites to just anyone. Matt's got the goods and anyone that calls him a back up quarterback, like yours truly did yesterday well, he should get his head examined. And one more little to do ... look around you cause the castle has the Ponies all around him and he knows exactly what to do with them.
The only thing that preventing this whole thing from coalescing is Mr. Zimmer. The key question is, "Can he make this elephant (Primarily DEFENSE) dance". If I had to make a guess ... that's exactly what our new head coach is going to do.
So what's in store (for us)? Well, if you thought Everson Griffen was being moved to be a pure Defensive End ... then you be wrong. If you think Anthony Barr will be our starting outside linebacker ... well, once again you'd be wrong. For these assumptions to be correct, we'd have to assume we were running a 4-3 defense. So what defense will we be running? It will be whatever defense allows both of these guys to dog the opposing quarterback into submission. Both can register sacks and both and drop into coverage and not even the tooth fairy herself will be able to tell when or if either will be doing what. It will be like the good old days when Joe Montana woke up screaming ... Reggie White ... Reggie White.
So who do you expect to see in the middle of that 3-4/4-3 defense: Audie Cole or Jasper Brinkley? How about both?
So we didn't address the secondary until the late rounds. One safety and two (2) DB's ... Size and speed ... an interesting infusion of skill sets to counter this pass happy league. What might these mutants have in store for us?
So Teddy ... sit back and relax ... take your time to develop into an NFL quarterback. Your got a long career ahead of you and there's plenty of time to develop and learn everything you'll need to be successful.
It's 2009 ... and the Vikings are courting Brett Favre to come play in Minnesota. Look Brett ... look at all the toys that you'll have to play with. All you'll need to do is sit back and relax and hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson. It's opening day in Cleveland, where AD does get to stop, kiss the baby, followed by a Sydney Rice pancake, on his way to the end zone but Brett will be the first to tell you ... it was no picnic back there and he had to play at a high level the entire year just to make the magic happen. Otherwise the league was going the plant him at about the 50. Everything said to Brett was nothing more than a myth. Brett's a Hall of Famer and maybe one of the greatest quarterbacks ever. How would you compare that to the smoke there about to blow up your diminutive donkey?.
Do you remember when phones sounded like this? Ding-A-Ling! Hello! Mr. Bridgewater. Yup! That's me. You know what your about to do is almost impossible to do in the NFL? Is this the big "G"? Yup! If it's impossible then why are you telling me this? Why are you pointing this out to me? Why am I so special? What did I do to deserve this? Teddy my boy, funny that you should ask. There was this guy Noah and this other guy Moses and they said the same funny sorts of stuff to me too. Man they still have me rolling thinking back when they would roll their eyes at me when we'd discuss their immediate future. You should of seen their wives saying, "Really! Really! He told you to do what? Really! Really!"
So ... what's with the phone? Well ... not everyone is being exactly forthright with you. Do you mean they are lying to me? Not exactly, you see they cannot exactly see the future. You see there was this guy born on September 15, 1961. Although he was drafted in the first round in 1983 as the 27th pick, he was passed over by way too many teams including the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yeah! I still laugh about that little gaff as the guy was playing in their back yard! Well in 84 he tossed 48 touchdowns after being selected to the Pro Bowl as a rookie. That was the one and only year he made it to the Super Bowl where he lost it to some-bench-guy Golden Domer. Turns out, he was pretty good too.
So what are you telling me? Well football is a funny thing? Love watching the games up here as the NFL cheerleaders have their own dedicated telecast. Nothing like watching seven or eight games simultaneously including all those lovely ladies and all the tasty calorie free beer you could possibly want. You see, your being told to sit back and relax on your laurels. So, Let me ask you a question? Sure! Shoot!
What if you were to find out that with only 3 seconds left in the tenth game of the 2014 season, you'd drop dead on the field. No! It wasn't a heart attack.
Then what did the autopsy determine to be the cause of death? Funny that you should ask. Officially, there was no cause of death or at least there was absolutely no medical explanation for it.
So why did you decide to call me at that particular moment in time. Well, as you know, that Sandusky thing still has allot of people pissed off. The plan was to take Joe on the practice field ... the happiest place in the world for Joe ... but that was taken from him. Well, at that moment you were in such a zone of absolute bliss that it made sense to take you right there and then hoping to send a message throughout all of football. Now, do you understand? WhatTTTT????
Let me get this straight ... you decided to take me because I was in the zone? I'm hitting my stride and pulling all those lovely strings and you're telling me that right then and there you're going to rip the carpet right from under me and send me into The Eternal Nap?
No! I'm not going to take you because your listening to everyone tell you that you don't matter. That time doesn't matter. Your going to be told that your not good enough and your actually going to believe it.
So let me get this straight. If I torch the entire league to the ground your going to hack me but if I sit back and take it slow and easy then I'll have the career for which that I've always dreamed. Did I say that? Yeah! Yeah! No! Really kid ... I don't want to talk about it. It's like jumping onto a hand grenade ... poof ... its over versus a lifetime of torture over spilled milk. See that heap over there, well that's the scrap heap of good intentions ... some call it the road to hell. There was a spot over there for Peyton Manning but that kid has got gumption and was as hard as nails. Even to this day, he thinks he's about a second away from being cut. His approach to the game was always incessant and flawless ... at least it was in his mind. Radio signals waiver ... not Manning. He was like that new John Wayne toilet paper. He was rough and tough and he didn't take crap off nobody.
So is this all written in stone? Isn't there anything that I can do to change your mind as I'm still a kid and I love to realize a long lifetime of memories. I wish I had a nickel for every time someone found themselves wanting to negotiate due to some rotten circumstance.
Tell you what kid, I'll make you a deal. You find a way to bring a championship to Minnesota and I'll find a away to look the other way. Keep in mind kid that little story about Dan Marino. If he had known that his one and only shot would be in his second season, like it was for Daunte Culpepper, do you think he might of changed his approach to how he handled himself, the people around him, and how he treated the game?
Kid, you've got a great task in front of you but I can help you out with one thing. Leaders don't accept what they know not to be true. Leaders do what must be done ... when it must be done.
The Viking Ghost Writer
Date: May 12, 2014